i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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