if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
