He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
