were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
