bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
