Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
