i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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