I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
