you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
