all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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