paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
