Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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