why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
