how can u be prego again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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