just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
