So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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