Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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