glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
