I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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