She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
