She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
