I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
