I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The best revenge is premature balding
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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