Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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