how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
