Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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