Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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