Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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