We got so high we made milksteak
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize