I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
