our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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