i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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