My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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