Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
