Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
