I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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