Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize