I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
