upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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