Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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