I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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