my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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