And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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