you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
