buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize