New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
