So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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