she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize