so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
