Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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