I think my vagina is haunted
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
