So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
