the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
