i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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