i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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