is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
