I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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