just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
