Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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