OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
