I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
