I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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