I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
