A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
