My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
