is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
nutella sex= disaster
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
