I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
