You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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