I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
