so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
