Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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