I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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