I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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