I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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