I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
