I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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