I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
