i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
