i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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