her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
