We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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