I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
