I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I pour the whiskey from now on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
