for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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