Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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