please come you make the beer taste better
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
