The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
