if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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