If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
