I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
