thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
