....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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