I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
