Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
