I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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