just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
