I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
