You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
