Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize