sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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