You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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