I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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