That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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