Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
