you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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