I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
