You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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