it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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