Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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