I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
